Decades of hiding in mirrors,
diving into deep ends
and drowning in drink one,
two, six, eight
I don’t know who I am
Do you hear me?
I never had the chance
When there is never silence
you create it
You swallow your tears and your dreams
and let everyone speak for you
You spend every waking hour trying to piece together
why you are now made of ammunition
explosive and cold
All you want is to be held
but you rip into your own flesh
until you’re unrecognizable
and you force them to tell you
what you already know
Then you lie down
and hope you never find the strength
to stand up
02-07-21